So here we are, ready and willing to have ‘the talk’.  Which is no small thing.  We definately could dodge your way out of this moment but we won’t.   We’re deciding to brave it – to see this as an opportunity to take this issue off our plate.  And although we may have all kinds of anxiety about having this crucial conversation, it’s best to keep one simple positive thing in mind – it’s figureoutable!  This issue has potential to be resolved.

Departures and Arrivals

We clearly know we want to ‘arrive’ at a resolution, but we must ask ourselves what we’re willing to give up for it.  And from where are we willing to ‘depart’ in order to arrive at this resolution?  We often see the goal.  We see where we want to go.  Our goal statement is quite clear, but our departure statement could use some help.  

Here’s an example of departure and arrival that I recently did with my workout.  It has nothing to do with an elephant in the room issue, but it’s an easy way to look at giving up one thing in order to get another.  In my workouts I had been using 15 pounds weights for a long time.  I got use to them.  In my head I knew I hit my plateau, but I was comfortable.  They were easy to handle and became my default.  But there’s the funny!  All while I was working out with these 15 pound weights that were beginning to feel like baby rattles to me, I had a brand new shinny set of 20 pound weights at home waiting for me to step UP to them.  I knew I needed to depart from using my comfortable 15s, and start using the 20s if I wanted to arrive at a better more challenging workout.  So I did.  I left the 15s for the 20s.  

In order to have a successful resolution, we simply have to dig deep and think about what we’re willing to give up to make it happen.  We may need to give up our time, money, comfort, space and stuff that we value to get this elephant out of the room.

Burn the Bridge

Whatever we decide to give up we have ‘burn the bridge’ behind us and keep moving forward.  It sounds a little harsh but it basically means that we should remove all opportunities to retreat back to old habits.  Which is easier than we think.  When I started using my 20 pound weights, I made one significant oversight.  I didn’t ‘burn the bridge’ to get back to my 15s.  Both sets of weights were in my truck.  When I so called “Needed a break” from the 20s, I retreated back to the 15s that were accessible to me.  Later I decided to give away my 15s and continue moving forward.  

Let’s burn the bridge of every belief system that limits us.  Let it evaporate. We can better use our time and energy to learn the specs we need to build strong bridges to happy, whole successful relationships!

Find a Great Time and Place to Talk

There are plenty of good places to have discussions. Pick the place where you can relax away all the feelings of angst and intensity. One that allows your truth and good dialogue to come through.  Time and timing is also essential here. Choose a time that works best for your schedule, but it’s also big value in selecting a time when you can really ‘be there’ – be fully in the moment and engaged in the conversation.  Our non-verbals should not make the other person feel like you’re trying to slide into home plate with a resolution. They need to show that we are willing to take our time to listen, learn, present ideas, be solution oriented and humbly share our requirements to get to a resolution

People- ling

Learning to people takes time, care and patience. It’s far better to intentionally connect with people than to meander through various contacts with them.  Desiring to connect pretty much says you care because finding certain connecting points with people can largely be about what matters to them. It takes a really great person to concern themselves with the needs and wants of others. However, YOU matter as well!  Surrounding yourself with like-minded people which adds super value to you and brings happy fulfilling relationships into your life. 

Here are some connecting questions to keep in your view before having your discussion:

  1. How many times have I seen this movie – Is this situation a pattern?  Am I ready to depart from this pattern?
  2. Have I thought about the other person?  What are their concerns?  What really matters to them?
  3. How would it feel to be in the other person’s shoes?
  4. Are there any other thoughts to think about the situation beside the one I thought?
  5. Am I checkable?  Can my actions use some tweaking?
  6. Could I have done more?
  7. Even though I see myself as approachable, am I giving off a vibe that says I’m not?
  8. Am I as faithful and positive as I need to be?  How’s my tone?  How’s my energy?
  9. What do I really want?  Can I communicate my needs and wants in a way that the other person can understand?

Come Through

You can go into this conversation with a positive and faithful attitude.  This can be a winner discussion!  Les Brown said, “Most people fail in life not because they aim too high and miss, but they aim too low and hit.”  We can certainly do what it takes to get the elephant out of the room.  But if there is opportunity to come through this issue with the potential for your relationship to evolve into something greater, then go forth and enjoy the journey!  


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