Self Reflection

When we PLAN to do our personal best, we have an enormous potential to achieve it! 

A Better Version of Ourselves 

In, The Elephant in the Room Part 1: Can We Talk? We landed on the decision to sit down to face the issue.  In part 2, we face ourselves. Before having a discussion with anyone else, let’s gain clarity about the situation and seek to improve ourselves. 

Glance in the Mirror 

It’s so easy to look at ourselves and see all the yummy great goodness we bring to the table, but what about the things in us that need to be tweaked?  It seems a little easier to look out than to look in.  When we do, let’s be as objective as possible and try not to scale our short comings down to small itty-bitty morsels that appear insignificant to us.  They can be bigger than we think and have a larger impact on people than we realize.   I’ll admit, there are plenty of winning, balloon soaring confetti floating, moments that transforms us.  Like graduation day – when we’re openly celebrated for our achievements. We tend to like living in these moments.  They’re satisfying. Easy to enjoy.  But there are also other valuable transforming moments that come from us taking a brief quiet pause to discover the work that need to be done in us.  

Deep Dive  

Relational incidents happen at times.  When they occur, it’s not the end of the world – it’s the beginning of understanding.  They present opportunities to consider ourselves.  How we respond is super important.  One pretty humbling question to ask ourselves is, “Did I bring this elephant in the room?”  It’s not a very easy question to ask, but it helps our self-awareness.  Plus, when we really think about it, it’s not always the other guy.  Sometimes it’s us.  And as difficult as it is to believe, we just may be responsible for that elephant being in the room.  If we are, we have to own it, then do our fair share of the work to resolve the issue.  

Whether it’s a coworker, family, friend, spouse, significant other, colleague, church or community group member we can overcome awkward obstacles and thrive in any relationship!  Bruce Tuckman laid out team development in 4 phases which I feel is pretty spot on for relationship building.  Here’s my take on it from a relationship perspective. I feel these phases can help us take a deep sigh, relax and glide through the inevitable expected development process.  

FormingHoneymoon stage.  Getting to know each other.  Playing it safe.  Learning how to get along
StormingDisagreements occur. Conflicts arise. Willing to take a stand for principles, values and beliefs
NormingCommunicating more. Learning to trust. Resolving, reconciling, collaborating, establishing and respecting boundaries
PerformingTeam building, working together, Sharing purpose and establishing harmony

How Do We Move Foreward 

Deciding to wipe the blur out of our eyes to glance in the mirror is healthy.  It makes us become more self-aware.  And even though it may not feel good to stare square in the face of our mistakes, it’s beneficial.  No mistake is an absolute waste if a lesson can be learned from it.  They have a certain significance about them that improve us.  We get better – learning sensitivity, empathy, compassion, forgiveness, patience and all of the beautiful things that serve people well. As great people of value this hits home for ALL of us.  And since it does, we ALL have the capacity to succeed in highly-functional harmonious relationships. 

Let’s continue to be resilient and give our personal best! 

2 Comments

  • Tyra September 22, 2019 at 12:17 pm

    This is a Growth READ.!!!
    A GOOD read.

    Reply
    • Barbara Mays September 25, 2019 at 1:02 pm

      Thanks Tyra 🙂

      Reply

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